sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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