she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
