whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
