God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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