Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
