My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
