my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
