Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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