How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
