is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Reggie can tackle my bush.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
