Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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