I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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