you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
