Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
