I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
