It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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