the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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