She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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