if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
