I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
