I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
