so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
