I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
