Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
