Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
not ubering you a puppy
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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