So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
