I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
