jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
