"it" just moved
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
