just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
