I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Randomize
