3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I feel like a drive thru vagina
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
