Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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