The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
