It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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