i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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