I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
