Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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