I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
