i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
