she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
