You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
