He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
