sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
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