Sry I called you an 8
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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