Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Boobs speak an international language.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
