We're like a lot better than the average bears
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Pooping to opera.
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