Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
we're so committed to being not committed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
