I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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