office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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