so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
