Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
