I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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