i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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