Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
