dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
