just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
