I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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