I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i now understand why vodka
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
