Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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